Contradicting thoughts

I’m trying so hard to be strong

and to take control of what’s

mine. Everyday I struggle and                                  

                                                      I'm                                                                                        

not sure how long I can withstand

this. There is a pain behind my eyes.

A dull throbbing like something is                             

                                                      trapped                                                          

beneath my skull. I shut my eyelids

hoping that the darkness will sooth

it, but it only makes things worse.                             

                                                      Inside                                                    

my head I picture myself shutting the

doors to my mind; I’m putting bars up

so that I’m blocking                                                                      

                                                      someone                                                 

or something that can come and hurt me.

I can feel myself beginning to fade still, 

after all I did to try to stop it.

Something entirely new is taking over. It’s

not me. If you talk to me it’s somebody

                                                      else.                                                         

Something with a mind of it’s own is 

inside me and it wants out. It wants to

experience the world through my eyes

and it will stop at nothing. I need

                                                      help.                                                  

Please I need someone to help me,

to see that I’m not evil. What is happening

isn’t my doing, it’s not 

                                                      me.                                                              

Why can’t you see that?