Self Deception

I walk forward

my body won’t move. 

Try to reach my hand out instead

arms and legs like lead

grasp for the blue balloon

just can’t move

trapped.

Picture myself

long, flowing dark hair

pink cheeks

strong calves

running, running

to the blue balloon

that is slowly floating away.

I look down.

My hair isn’t dark or long

it’s cut

short blonde bob

cheeks without colour

grey like the ash

falling around me

my legs are thin

weak

barely holding me up.

Realization dawns on me.

I understand

I am

trapped, trapped

in a foreign land

a foreign body

that will never be mine.

That’s when

I break down.

Slowly fading away

into the sky.

Disappearing.

My fingers

inches from the string

that hangs from

my blue balloon.